If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.
-- Kasspe

I can resist everything except temptation.
-- Oscar Wilde

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
-- Albert Einstein

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
-- Albert Einstein

The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once. 
-- Albert Einstein

The universe is an intelligence test. 
-- Timothy Leary

I don't care to belong to any organization that accepts me as a member. 
-- Groucho Marx

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
-- Groucho Marx

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. 
-- e e cummings

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. 
-- Mark Twain

Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
-- Mark Twain

By trying, we can easily learn to endure adversity -- another man's, I mean.
-- Mark Twain

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
-- Steven Wright

Stupidity got us into this mess, why can't it get us out? 
-- Will Rogers

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy next to me. 
--Woody Allen

All my life I've wanted to be somebody; I realize now that I should have been more specific. 
-- Lily Tomlin

All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. 
-- Sean O'Casey

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
-- Oscar Wilde

Waiter, there's no fly in my soup!
-- Kermit the Frog

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter. 
-- Blaise Pascal

If you don't know where you're going, you'll end up somewhere else.
-- Yogi Berra

By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task overwhelm me.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant

Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction.
--Ashleigh Brilliant

I will stop at nothing to reach my objective, but only because my brakes are defective. 
-- Ashleigh Brilliant

The faces in New York remind me of people who have played a game and lost.
-- Murray Kempton

At sixteen I was stupid, confused, insecure, and indecisive. At twenty-five I was wise, self-confident, prepossessing, and assertive. At forty-five I am stupid, confused, insecure, and indecisive. Who would have supposed that maturity is only a short break in adolescence?
-- Jules Feiffer

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. 
--Douglas Adams

Life is a sexually transmitted disease and there is a 100% mortality rate. 
-- R. D. Laing

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
-- George Bernard Shaw

The fickleness of the women whom I love is only equaled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me.
-- George Bernard Shaw

If all the economists in the world were laid end to end, they wouldn't reach any conclusion.
-- George Bernard Shaw

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man.
-- Mark Twain

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. 
-- Oscar Wilde